I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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