im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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