mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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