My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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