I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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