just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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