I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize