Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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