one word: firstdatebathroomanal
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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