If i could tip my vagina, i would.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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