i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize