my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize