we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize