I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
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We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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