ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize