I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In other news, I just burned my penis
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize