I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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