just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
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