And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize