If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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