the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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