When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize