can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
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it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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