its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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