i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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