So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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