here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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