Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Someone came in the potted fern
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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