Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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