At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
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Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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