Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize