so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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