i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize