Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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