Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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