she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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