I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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