happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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