By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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