Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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