no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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