How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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