I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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