my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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