If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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