I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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