you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize