If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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