Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
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found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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