then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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